FAQ:
"How to Get Insanely Rich On The Internet"
By Linda Cox
Welcome to the
Total Idiot's Guide to Internet Success!
Let's begin:
Q: How long
will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends
on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long
as a month.
Q: Does it
take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This
is the Internet.
Q: Can just
anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes.
This is the Internet.
Q: How do I
proceed?
A: As
you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that
say things like
"Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click
Here to See How!"
Simply click the link to get started.
Q: It won't
really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of
course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised
and so it doesn't
sound like hype.
Q: Okay,
I've found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle
in One Month!" Is
that good?
A: Perfect.
Q: What
does MLM mean?
A: Nobody
really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely
suggested by the
little-brains.
Q: I signed
up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the
easiest thing to
sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's
MLM, by the time
my third level is operating I'll be making
$345,915.45 per
week.
A:
Conservatively.
Q: They say
the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why
is my sponsor
happy that Mom has Alzheimer's?
A: Your
sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort
of memory disorder
make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch
your mother's long
distance carrier for her, and then start calling the
other members of
her support group.
Q: That
sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends
justify the means. You are offering people substantial
savings on long
distance. It's for their own good.
Q: How else
can I get new business?
A: Spam.
Spam. Spam.
Q: I
thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam
is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous
because their
brains are too small.
Q: But
won't I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the
get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate a zen-like
non-attachment to
service providers.
Q: What
else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here's a
list of suggestions:
Sign up with a
free website provider and fill your site with zany
colors and
flashy banners.
Join every
free banner exchange.
Get your own
free-for-all links page.
Join every
opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in
the title.
Buy software
that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most
important
search engines.
Buy software
that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free
classified
sites.
Buy software
that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular
free-for-all
link pages.
Hire a bulk
emailer.
Sponsor a golf
tournament.
Q: Okay,
I've done all that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven
my hit counter to
its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It's
possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your
friends who has
retired on their Internet earnings.
Q: What if
I don't have any friends who have retired on their Internet
earnings?
A: Then
contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their
Internet earnings.
Q: What if
I've never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet
earnings?
A: Well,
then maybe you can be the first.
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Linda
Cox (J.A.M.G.) was actually a real-world
corporate marketer for many years before going
on the
net without a net. Now she's Just Another
Marketing Guru.
Email:
Linda@LindaCox.com
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